IF I COULD CHANGE ONE THING.

If i could change one thing in my life it would be the death of my cousin Shauna.Shawna was my favorite person in the world and even though sometimes she got on my nerves I still loved her so much, she was always there for me.I can remember my uncle made me and my brother stay away from my cousin and my aunt, we couldnt go see them because he was jealous of the relatonship we had with them.We liked being with them more tha we liked being with him.I was at school one day and i got stung by a bee my arm swole up and turned red even though i wasnt supose to i called my cousin she came to my school picked me up early and took me to childrens they told me i was allergic to bees and they gace me sum benadryl. she had to get me back home before my uncle got there so i really wasnt able to spend that much time with her but that little time did mean alot to me.iI didnt want her to take me home i wanted to run away and go with her.Weeks went pass i started getting more and more depressed, i decided that i was done being miserable and unhappy. I took my whole box of benadryl and some tylenol pms wrote me a suicide letter and laid in my bed waitng on my pills to kick in i was ready to meet my maker or maybe the devil since i did just try to take my own life.All of a sudden i heard a voice calling my name on the side of my house it was Shauna i was so happy i lit up, i was ready for life again. She took me and my brother with her my uncle came lookimg for us but he didnt find us i really think he knew that we  were with her and my aunt but he caught up with us the next day at school. We had a meeting in the couselors office the counselor talked him into letting us start going back to my aunts.I was so happy again but pretty soon all that changed when my mom came home from prison it diidnt happen as soon as she got out but it did happen eventually she got tired of the bonds me and my brother had with people and not her and she decided to keep us away.I had to skip school or pretend that i had a job interview just so i can go see my cousin.I can remember it like it was yesterday i turned 18 august 3rd 2002 and a day after that i had this bad dream that somebody was going to kill my cousin now i know what you may think everybody says they had a dream bout something and they know they didnt but i really did have one and i told my lil cousin bout it and that i had to go see my cousin shauna. Well the weekend came and i was spending the night at my lil cousind house and we decided to catch the bus to rias thats what i called shauna. When we got there my cousin wasnt there so i told my aunt to tell shauna i came by, all i wanted to do was see her since I was 18 i was allowed to now and my mom couldnt say anything about it.So i left me and my lil cousin decided to go to the river that night its where we go to clear our head its so beautiful at nght.We ha da ball we got back to the house pretty late so when i got woke up at 8 in the moring i was highly upset. My mom was calling telling me to get up and get dressed that my friend keanna was on her way to come and get me so i was mad geeting ready and all of a sudden i just stopped and thought what if i something happend to my cousins i felt it was something wrong but i really didint know yet. When i got downstairs my mom called me back and told me that my cousin had just got killed i broke down crying i ahd never been more devastated in my life a piece of me died that dayand its still dead. she was on the 11 oclock news the night when it happend and my hot ass was at the river i missed everything.I was so mad i wasnt able to warn her see her hug her anything. I wish i wouldnt have left i should of waited for her to get there> I seen that shit to her in my dreams and in my heart i feel like i could of prevented it from happening to her. I will always live with that in my heart.I will also alays hold a grudge against my mom from keeping me away for so long making me miss out on so much time with her just because of jealousy. Its sad that as soon as i was able to see her she gt killed 6 freakin days after my 18th birthday.I havenvt forgiven my mom for that and its been nine years of unhappiness. I dropped out of school just didnt care anymore i got kicked out my moms house i just started to give up.Now at my old im tryning to but the pieces back together im tryinng to get it together. If i could change one thing in the world it would be the death of Lashauna Lauderdale Love YOU cuz REST IN PEACE.