shit is on my mind

so i have been having a kind of strained beginning of the year with so much to do and so little time and with alot of disappointment. so i was just about to get my second job and i lost my babysitter so now i cant have to jobs and still got to figure out what im a do with the job i got. my sons dad has been being a bitch actn like he dont want to get his seed when he is supose to. its so crazy how men get the easy way out and don really have to be there at all. im a good as mom and i really dont ask for much but for him to spend time with his son boys need a father figure in there life, now if i get out here and find my baby a new daddy his ass gone be mad as hell. i try my best to be as good of a baby momma as i can didnt file child child support even though i know that i do it all by myself i know i deserve child support but i still dont file his ass is starting to make me rethink that decision. i try my hardest not to be spiteful and ignorant but it seems like now days thats the only thing people understand. i try so hard to be all i can be for my son thats the love of my life and i know my son loves his dad and im trying so hard not to take him away from the little time he has to give. i dont want to blamed for my son not having his time with his dad, but only time will tell because as he gets older he will know and understand that im really the only person right there in his corner now matter what and hopefully he will be okay with that. im not going to make anybody do anything they dont really want to do with him he is my responsibility and im just going to have to deal with the fact that my son has a dead beat dad. he didnt use to be this way i dont know if because i dont want to be back with him which it still shouldnt matter. so its just me myself and i is what my son has to the end.